ampers build fires when camping. Cavers build "BIG FIRES" when camping!
Campers sometimes stumble into fires when camping. Cavers walk through fires — ON PURPOSE!
So, maybe a few words about fires and safety are in order...

When adding an accelerant to turn your wet wood into a fire, make sure there isn't already a fire in your fire, i.e. cigarette butt, a lit carbide lantern, blowtorch etc. And by the way, many of us have singed eyebrows and facial hair using the wrong accelerant. Gasoline, white gas, or rocket fuel are not the accelerant of choice! Slower to burn, igniting diesel, lighter fluid and starter sticks are better choices. Not that these can't also get you into trouble. PLENTY OF TROUBLE!

Now then, let's talk about fires and heat... A hot subject to be sure. Remember, fires get very, very, VERY HOT!

And things, especially metal things, also get just as hot! Beware of BBQ pits, fire pits, grills, tongs, etc. Grabbing a hot grill will make a really cool looking set of stripes across your hand but it can be very painful.

People will camp. People will drink. People will build fires. People will stumble into fires. So, watch out for your neighbor around fires. If he or she starts to stumble or venture too close to the fire give them a sharp blow in the chest to redirect their path. They'll thank you for it... Maybe not right away, but eventually (when they sober up), they'll thank you for it...

Fires can be dangerous anyway, but when you add an inebriant to the mix (even a cocktail or two), you tend to throw caution to the wind, sometimes ALONG WITH YOUR CLOTHES! After all, cavers come to caving events to relax! Right? Now, some inebriants are worse than others. And some, taste better than others, but that's a whole ‘nuther article.

To better understand fires and such, the following is a compilation of fire related terms and/or definitions:

• RAPID FIRE: When your raft catches fire on the Colorado River.
• FIRE FIGHTER: A person who likes to wrestle near fires. Usually — a late night activity.
• FIRE HOSE: Girls with no scruples who hang out, just beyond the glow of the fire.
• FIRE EXTINGUISHER: A person who likes to "PEE" on your fire.
• FIRE — MARSHAL: What they did to Matt Dillon, when they canceled "Gunsmoke."
• FIRE CODE: You catch this from not dressing warm enough around the fire, on a chilly night.
• FOREST FIRE: Life is like a box of matches: If you strike it — you're gonna get Flamed (See Gump!)
• FIRE WOOD: When a male caver is excited by a female caver around the fire.
• BACK FIRE: Usually associated with men, it's what happens when you eat "beans and drink beer" (See Tony or Phil!)
• FIRE PLACE: If you cannot make a fire, you go here to rent one.
• FIRE BOX: A hot, well..., you make the call on this one!
• FRIENDLY FIRE: When you are hit by a funnellator by a member of your own team.
• FIREBALLER: One who chooses to get romantic around the fire.
• SAPPHIRE: The color of anything that falls into the bottom of a "JOHNNY ON THE SPOT" at MVOR.
• FIRE RING: When a person with a cell phone gets a call at the fire.
• FIRE BALL: A delicious hard candy, usually given out at the "CLUB ‘69" camp.
• SPIT - FIRE: What you do after a sip of Rays' home-brew!
• MIS - FIRE: This is a fire built by a single woman.
• GUN FIRE: At first, you think this actually was a gun being shot, but usually it is a carbide cannon (Thanks Tom!)

QUANTITY, NOT QUALITY is what's important! (Kinda like when we "guys" talk about the female breastasiz!! And versa—visa when the "gals" talk about the male... well, you know what I mean!) Back to my words of wisdom; The more you drink, the farther from the fire you should party! My theory, called "The Curly Shuffle" was developed from many, many years of personal experience. Not only with fires, but largely with inebriants!! In any respect, you do the Shuffle like this. Use a starting point, approximately 6 FEET from the fire. With every 12 oz. inebriant consumed, move one can length further from the fire. This should work very well for you, it has for me! Heck! Come morning I was 3 cases away from the fire and completely safe! Well, most of the time. Occasionally, I would back up into some young thang, and usually she had a great big buck with her. Man, did I have some splanin' to do. It is really hard to come up with believable excuses when the head is spinning and everything is foggy.

By the way, when you're packing your shaving cream (yeah right!), okay, your whip cream or cream de menthe, for Petes' sake don't forget your "BURN CREAM."

I hope that this article will help prevent anyone getting "HOTTER" than they want to! Sometimes HOT can be good, but again, that's another story!

Here's to SAFE CAVING and FIRE LIGHTING! And may you never find yourself IGNITING!