by Joseph Abbott

Sept. 30, 2001

Popcorn news

     AUSTIN, Texas (OOP) -- A bee advocacy group is urging against overreaction in the wake of a recent bee attack that sent a Brazos County man to intensive care.
     Marvin Klintworth was attacked Sept. 22 by 40 to 100 of the so-called Africanized or "killer" bees while clearing a dead tree from property in Kurten, Texas. The Kurten City Council member sought shelter in the pickup truck of a cousin who ten minutes later found him having difficulty breathing. Klintworth was taken to a hospital in nearby College Station where he spent until Sunday in intensive care. He returned to work Monday.
     "What happened to Mr. Klintworth was a rash and disproportionate act of violence," said Dr. Susan Harris of the Austin-based Center for Apian Culture. "It goes beyond any rational idea of self-defense. We regret and abhor this attack and wish Mr. Klintworth a continued speedy recovery. But we also urge the American public not to react with the same rashness."
     Dr. Harris stressed that the attack was not typical of the majority of bees and cautioned against stereotyping.
     "This was the act of a small radical minority of aggressive, militant bees," she said. "The vast majority of bees are hard-working pollinators and honey producers. We must not react with hate and attribute to an entire species the acts of a hateful few."

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     BIRDSONG, Okla. (OOP) -- Norma Feeney said she was only trying to do her bit for the nation's economy in the wake of the Sept. 11 attacks when she took the $107.53 in her cookie jar and invested it in the stock market.
     So the 77-year-old grandmother was surprised to be informed Thursday that she had acquired controlling interest in the once high-flying Internet firm Sheesh.com.
     "You could have knocked me over with a pin when they told me," Feeney said. "I was just doing my patriotic duty like that nice Mr. Bush said, but I never expected this."
     Feeney announced immediate changes in the Sheesh.com site's content, replacing the complex introductory animation and rows of banner advertising with photographs of her pet dog, Fluffy.
     Shares of Sheesh.com leapt 12 points on the news in Friday trading.

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     NEW YORK (OOP) -- The American Kennel Club denied reports Friday that it was changing the name of Afghan hounds to "victory dogs."
     The change was requested by Merle Snodd of Pine Bluff, Arkansas, who said the AKC's refusal shows that they are un-American and in league with Osama bin Laden, the alleged mastermind behind the Sept. 11 attacks.
     "Any real American would do something about this flagrant display of foreign influence," he said. "This is all part of their plot to sap the morale of the American people and destroy American culture. We're at war. These commie bastards have got to understand that we are not going to stand for that. They've got to be made to understand that."
     Snodd also accused nationwide retail chains of treason for not altering bedding-department signs currently advertising "afghans" to read "victory blankets."
     When asked for comment, an AKC spokeswoman stared at the reporter, then rolled her eyes and shook her head.

n.b.: Just so you know, I made up everything here except for Marvin Klintworth and what happened to him; that I got off the AP wire and later the Bryan-College Station Eagle website. At last report he was doing fine.-- jwa