Hard landings!!
Real stories from Flight Attendants apologizing for rough transport on the airlines.....
The use of "I" is not the author of this web page.
Upon landing hard, the pilot gets on the PA system, "Sorry folks for the hard
landing. It wasn't the pilot's fault, and it wasn't the plane's fault. It was the
asphalt."
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into
the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer
to stand at the door while the passengers exited, give a smile, and a "Thanks
for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a
hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart
comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking
with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why
no" said the pilot, M'am, what is it?" The little old lady said, "Did
we land or were we shot down?"
From a disgruntled Southwest Airlines employee....
"Welcome aboard Southwest FlightXXX, to YYY. To operate your seatbelt,insert
the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt,
and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public
unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will
descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face.
If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with
theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love
more. Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll
try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, noboby loves you,
or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."
United Airlines FA: "Ladies and Gentlemen, as you are all now painfully aware,
our Captain has landed in Seattle. From all of us at United Airlines we'd like to
thank you for flying with us today and please be very careful as you open the overhead
bins as you may be killed by falling luggage that shifted during our so called "touchdown."
About 5 or 6 years ago I was on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas
on a particularly windy and bumpy day. I could tell during the final that the Captain
was really having to fight it, and after an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant
came on the PA and announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please
remain in your seats with your seatbelt fastened while the Captain taxis what's left
of our airplane to the gate!"
Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you
to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
Overheard by a guy giving rides: "Sorry about the rough landing, but I'm practicing
for a job at SAS. Next time I'll try to lose your luggage.
Landing: a controlled mid-air collision with a planet.
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