How things would be different if Microsoft was headquartered in the south.

1. Their #1 product would be Microsoft Winders.

2. Instead of an hourglass icon you'd get an empty beer bottle.

3. Occasionally you'd bring up a window that was covered with a Hefty bag and some duck tape.

4. Dialog boxes would give you the choice of "Ahh-right" or "Naw"

5. Instead of "Ta-Da!", the opening sound would be Dueling Banjos

6. The "Recycle Bin" in Winders '95 would be an outhouse

7. Whenever you pulled up the Sound Player you'd hear a digitized drunk redneck yelling "Freebird!"

8. Instead of "Start Me Up", the Winders '95 theme song would be "Achy-Breaky Heart"

9. PowerPoint would be named "ParPawnt"

10. Microsoft's programming tools would be "Vishul Basic" and "Vishul C++"

11. Winders 95 logo would incorporate Confederate Flag

12. Microsoft Word would be just that: one word

13. Instead of WWW servers, Microsoft would have KKK servers.

14. New Shutdown WAV: "Y'all come back now!"

15. Instead of VP, Microsoft big shots would be called "Cuz"

16. Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am

17. Microsoft Office replaced with Micr'sawft Henhouse

18. Four words: Daisy Dukes Screen Saver

19. Well, the first thing you know, old Bill's a billionaire

20. Speadsheet software would include examples to inventory dead cars in your front yard

21. Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor-Pull Simulator

22. Microsoft CEO: Bubba Gates

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Curator: Marcus D. Friske
Last updated: June 29, 1997