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 A moist and meaty treat from Cosmic Relief

Increasingly, we have discovered, there is a distinct subspecies of feline fancier known as the New Age Cat Lover. All too often, the N.A.C.L. displays the most annoying traits of both cultures - ditziness, gullibility and a singular starry-eyed gaze, combined with stunted olfactory organs and a marked inability to understand the concepts of "spay" and "neuter." This piece is dedicated to these folks and to their multitudes of pointy-eared angels. We stole the sappy style from a real book called Catlove: 210 Wonderful Things You Can Do for Your Cat by Jill Kramer. We haven't actually read this book, but we read an excerpt in a new-age book catalog, and that was enough.

Anyway, we hope you like this moist-n-meaty treat from Cosmic Relief. And for the record, we really do love cats, in moderation. Furthermore, our pointy-eared sweethearts are spayed / neutered, and we keep them indoors at all times, for Chrissake. And we clean their boxes every day without fail, or at least when we know we're going to have visitors.

Oh, and one final note: as much as we adore cats, we must admit we also enjoy a rousing game of Cat Splat! from Stoopid Software ®. You can download this delightful shareware game from the Net. If you want the registered version -- "for unlimited cat-splattin' fun" -- it'll only set you back a few bucks.

By Jilly Creamer, from her book, Angels With Pointy Ears: The Spiritual Life of Cats

It's no coincidence that cats are the companion animals of choice for so many people who are "on the path." It's been this way for centuries, but until now, to my knowledge, nobody has truly explored the reasons so many spiritually-oriented people have been such passionate cat lovers. Recently, however, I reached a breakthrough in my psychic communications with our feline friends. And what I found out will astound you.

What I've found out is that cats are very spiritual beings, even more so than "man's best friend." Of all nonhuman species - with the possible exceptions of whales, dolphins, butterflies and unicorns - felines are the most attuned to human spirituality.

For example, did you know that cats have near-death experiences that are amazingly similar to ours? They experience the bright white light, the faces and howls of loved ones, heavenly music that sounds like a can-opener to their ears, and the feeling of unconditional love. One element that differs slightly is that the NDE-ing cat will generally find itself in a light-filled sack instead of a tunnel. Curiously enough, a body of water, such as a river or lake, usually figures into the feline NDE too.

If you're like me, you've always thought of your sweet kitty as a pointy-eared angel, and that's exactly what she is, so don't ever let anyone tell you any differently. But did you know that cats have angels too? Every precious pussy on God's green earth has her or his very own guardian angel. Some kitties have as many as nine angels. Now, isn't that nice to know?

Furthermore, cats are in constant contact with their guardian angels. In fact, that's why male cats "spray" all over your house (even neutered boy kit-kats do this); contrary to the old wives' "tail" that spraying has something to do with sex or territoriality, it is simply Tom-tom's way of summoning his angels. So don't get after him for it. And whatever you do, don't try to destroy or disguise the odor in any way. Otherwise, how will his angels find him?

Another way cats of both sexes leave messages for their angels is through the scent of their litter box love offerings. This is a very vital element of the cat-angel communication process. So do try to refrain from "cleaning" kitty's box any more often than is absotively, posulutely necessary. Left to his own devices, your sweet little snookums will make sure you have a truly Spirit-filled house. And you both get the health benefits of ammoniatherapy in the process.

Have you ever noticed that your kittycake has about a dozen different kinds of meows? If you're a conscious cat lover, you've probably learned to recognize several of them. There's the "I'm hungry" meow, the "give me some love NOW" meow; the "I'm miffed that you've been ignoring me so I'm going to leave a love offering in your shoe" meow, and so on.

But what about those extremely strange meows that you can't quite identify, particularly those that seem to have a bit of a foreign accent? Well, it could be your sweetums is channeling! You see, cats are capable of being vehicles for any and all of the Ascended Masters who speak through human channels. But there's a difference: the messages channeled through cats are much more exciting and revealing than those channeled through humans.

Of course it takes a trained interpreter such as myself to understand them, so if you suspect your kitty is channeling, do call me. My consultation fees are really quite reasonable, particularly considering the life-saving information about Earth Changes that your furry-face may be trying to impart to you. I'd sure give me a call if I were you.

End of Part I

(From the book Cosmic Relief: Honoring and Celebrating the Global Paradigm Shaft)

Copyright © 1997 by Connie L. Schmidt. All rights reserved.

The graphic is a clip-art composite created in CorelDRAW! ® by the author

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