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CSMIC RELIEF

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or: Cosmic Relief: the long story, by Connie L. Schmidt

The continuing electronic drunkalogue from a former personal-growth addict. Just like a real drunkalogue, this one just goes on and on...

The text below is adapted from a presentation given by the author at a book signing for Cosmic Relief: Honoring and Celebrating the Global Paradigm Shaft.

Copyright © 1996 by Connie L. Schmidt

In a nutshell, I got in touch with my Inner Silly Person, or ISP (not to be confused with "Internet Service Provider," although sometimes their functions may be similar). I knew I had to let my ISP out, because sooner or later she was going to escape anyway, and no telling what sort of trouble she'd cause.

So out she flew, and together we created the Big Yellow Book, Cosmic Relief. Cosmic Relief was a hobby at first, therapy of sorts. I was too cheap, or possibly too scared, to indulge in real therapy. I confess that Cosmic Relief also began as a vendetta. I had gotten stiffed by a new-age magazine publisher (no, it's not anybody who's still publishing today), and I decided to produce a parody of her publication. If ya can't lick 'em, lampoon 'em, I always say.

To me, this person was a prime example of the hypocrisy I often saw in the New Age / personal-growth movement. She talked a real good game of spiritually-based business ethics, but in fact she stiffed nearly everybody with whom she did business. And to make things worse, she used a lot of new-age euphemisms whenever you called her on her stuff, to try to obscure the fact that she was stiffing you. You've probably dealt with people like this.

The new-age publisher soon faded out of the picture, so I changed my focus. I decided to make Cosmic Relief more generic. And it just kept growing until it was a book.

On a philosophical level, Cosmic Relief began as a manifesto of my newfound skepticism. Yes, somewhere along the way I'd discovered skepticism - partially, I admit, as a result of my disillusionment with that new-age magazine publisher - and I was really starting to get into it. Since many of the people who called themselves skeptics were at odds with many of the personal-growth people, I felt more and more that with this book I was taking a bold new stand. It was "us" versus "them."

So I started talking such a good skeptics' game that, no doubt, I was nauseating some of my personal-growth-oriented friends.

Once again, reality intrudes 

Amazingly enough, I soon found out that life is more complicated than "us" versus "them." I wanted things to be simple, but, as is its habit, reality intruded before very long. As Cosmic Relief developed into a book, I showed it to a whole slew of people -- my new skeptic friends as well as my old personal-growth friends. Surprisingly, some of the most positive responses came from New Agers. People on both sides of the fence really liked it; people ON the fence liked it. Everybody was laughing.

Well, almost everybody. A few people were offended, some deeply so, and, yes, the offended ones were believers of various sorts, which somehow restored my faith in an ordered universe. I was, however, puzzled by the depth of their displeasure. There aren't THAT many pictures of naked people in the book, and that wolf and woman on page 57 are just good friends, really.

Even so, the proprietress [now deceased] of Houston's oldest and most famous metaphysical bookstore found Cosmic Relief patently offensive and refused to carry it. Never mind that she also happened to be the mother of a certain person who's made his fortune by suggesting that men and women are from different planets, and Cosmic Relief contains a parody of this certain person which sensitively suggests the possibility that he is an "arrogant little prick." You'd think she would be able to overlook that.

But no-o-o-o-o-o. "Our purpose here is to LIFT people's consciousness," she admonished, raising her arms in the classic gesture which, depending upon one's belief system, demonstrates either receptivity to the Holy Spirit or elevated awareness. "Not that I'm being judgmental," she hastened to add. (Of course! Nobody in the New Age movement is judgmental.)

Yet another metaphysical boutique rejected Cosmic Relief because, even though the owners thought it was funny, they were afraid it might offend some of their female customers. This particular store caters to herb-infused Wiccan types and issue-oriented Wild Women. The owners feared these women might take umbrage at the aforementioned page 57 in Cosmic Relief. "It appears," they said, "to depict a woman having sex with a dog."

 Which is utterly ridiculous; anybody can clearly see that's a wolf, not a dog. And as I said earlier, the two of them are just good friends. Really. Besides, for gosh sakes, it's just a cartoon. No, not even that - it's two pieces of clip art I clumsily brought together into a compromising position, much the same way that I used to naughtily re-arrange the little sculptures and figurines on my ex-boyfriend's shelves. It irritated him that he always had to do a quick "shelf check" whenever his straight-laced parents were due to come over for a visit. (Look, I never claimed maturity as one of my strong suits.)

 The point

Oh, but I digress. I think the point towards which I am meandering is this: whichever side of the fence you're on, or if you're sitting on the fence, as I am, the whole purpose of Cosmic Relief is to have fun, to find the silliness in everything. And I want to be clear about one point: to find the silly side of something does not mean to say it has no value.

So here I am, still shallow after all these years, but I have come to embrace my shallowness. I no longer over-indulge in personal growth. I thank my Inner Silly Person every day for saving me from my own terminal seriousness. (I thank my Internet Service Provider every day too, for different reasons.)

If there IS any sort of a serious message in Cosmic Relief, it is this: Don't be afraid to laugh at anything. Don't be afraid to question everything. And don't even worry if you, or others, think you're shallow. When others around you are flaunting their profundity and their evolved status by personally and ostentatiously growing or, worse yet, by trying to "change the world" (whatever the hell that means), you may take comfort in Cosmic Connie's Conviction:

There's a lot to be said for shallowness, and the unexamined life can indeed be worth living if you just have the right pair of shoes.

Back to Confessions of a Personal-Growth Survivor, Part I

Well, I heard what I needed to hear tonight. So...

It's time for the meeting after the meeting. I've really worked up an appetite for tonight's special: the Cosmic Relief sampler platter.

I was so inspired by this share that I want to share too. Take me to the public forum (Ranting, Raving & ROFL).

Take me back to the Cosmic Relief Contents Page.

Back to the Cosmic Relief Home Page