COSMIC RELIEF: PENETRATING QUESTIONS & SILLY ANSWERS

CSMIC RELIEF

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A. It's a generic magazine parody, the first of its type. We'd originally wanted to start a generic religion, with a no-name deity and non-specific rituals and all that, but that turned out to be too much trouble, and besides it had already been done, so we did a generic magazine parody instead, and dressed it up as a high-quality paperback book.

Anyway, COSMIC RELIEF is loosely based on all those new-age, positive-lifestyle rags you can pick up in virtually any city in the U.S. and, we bet, in the English-speaking world - you know the kind we're talking about. It's a collection of ad parodies and spoof articles, with a "serious" (but not too serious) editorial at the end. COSMIC RELIEF has been described as sort of a MAD-Magazine® guide to the new age, but it's not just about new-age stuff; it also hits on self-help and the silly, trendy side of corporate America. We've found there's a lot of overlap among those various cults.

 Q. Hold on there. Corporate America? What's that doing in a new age book? Isn't the business community notoriously conservative?

A. You might be surprised. Business has co-opted a lot from the new age movement. For example, companies these days are talking about "visioning." Some of them are trying to bring "soul" into the workplace, and they ain't talkin' about James Brown. Corporate recruiters for certain Fortune 500 companies are now consulting psychics to help them in their hiring decisions. If you still have any doubt, consider this: HarperBusiness (who else?) has published a book entitled, The Executive Mystic: Psychic Power Tools for Success (by Barry Dolinck). Let's face it: corporate America is playing right into our hands.

Q. Why was COSMIC RELIEF created (apart from your understandable frustration at not being able to start your own religion)?

A. To make people laugh. To make people think. To make people give us money. But originally, because we were p.o.'d at a new age magazine publisher who stiffed us. If you can't lick 'em, lampoon 'em, we always say.

 Q. One detects a bit of cynicism beneath all this. So is COSMIC RELIEF just for cynics, agnostics, disrespectful types, and people who've been stiffed by new age magazine publishers?

A. No, it's for people of all world views, belief systems and experiences, including people who leave herb tea and potpourri out for their Guardian Angels, and folks who have had their private parts explored by aliens from UFOs. In fact, we've gotten some of the biggest laughs from folks who are IN the new-age movement, or the self-help movement, or the recovery movement, or all of the above. Therapists love this stuff, for example. And that's understandable; after all, no matter how serious people are about their beliefs or their work, everybody needs a little relief. Strangely enough, though, corporate America, by and large, isn't laughing...

 Q. In spite of the fact that it's a humor book, COSMIC RELIEF has actually been described as "educational" and "comprehensive." What really qualifies you to produce such a scholarly work? What are your formal credentials?

A. Our expertise comes from being a C.N.D.P. (Certifiable Non-Degreed Professional) with lots of field experience. Add to this our triple-refugee status - we're on the run from the new age movement, the recovery / self-help movement and from corporate America - and perhaps you begin to understand COSMIC RELIEF's therapeutic value, at least for us.

We like to place ourselves in the category of "practicing skeptic," though to be quite honest we don't practice every day. And just so we have all the bases covered, we have been ordained to the ministry of the Universal Life Church. We are also possessed of a special psychic gift: we are able to read the future by studying the intricate formations in dog poop.

 Q. Not to get too far off the subject here, but what sort of things can you tell about the future by studying dog poop?

A. We can tell many, many things about planetary inter-alliance and the re-paradigming of the millennial ascension, for example. We can fathom signs of the coming age of enlightened obfuscation. We can access interdimensional data that those brand-name psychic readers usually overlook. Most importantly, the dog doots reveal to us whether or not we are going to have to journey back to the feed store to get more tapeworm medicine.

 Q. Well, that's more than we wanted to know about dog poop. Now, we've noticed that COSMIC RELIEF is kind of raunchy in places. Is this more or less a book mainly for guys?

A. Of course not. There are no car chases, no explosions, and very few pictures of naked people. How could it possibly be just a guy's book? COSMIC RELIEF was carefully crafted to appeal to all of the major genders. As for the raunch factor, well, have you read any of those REAL new-age rags? Those things put a LOT of emphasis on bodily functions. You know, there's all that colon-related stuff, and those weird therapies. We're not being raunchy, We're just imitating what we see.

 Q. Nevertheless, some people might find this book offensive. Is COSMIC RELIEF an equal opportunity offender?

A. Absolutely not. There are certain religious elements, for example, that we refuse to make fun of.

 Q. Out of respect?

A. Inasmuch as "respect" is a synonym for "quaking cowardice." Some of those people react pretty intensely to being made fun of, if you know what we mean.

 Q. Are there plans for a sequel to Cosmic Relief?

A. Not right now; we're focusing our energies on exploiting the daylights out of the existing book. For starters, there's this web site, and we're exploring various merchandising possibilities as well - casual wear, jewelry, lingerie, restraints, coffee mugs, even Cosmic Relief action figures.

 Q. Well, it looks like we've run out of time. As the seeker of truth that you obviously are, do you have a parting snippet of wisdom for fellow truth seekers? Use ten words or less.

A. We can name that tune in nine words: There is NO Face on Mars. Deal with it.

Okay, I've had enough of these silly answers. Give me some real answers:

How can I get my own copy of Cosmic Relief?

Can I try before I buy? Could you show me some samples?

Can I just go back to the Cosmic Relief Contents Page for now?

On second thought, I'd just like to go back to the Cosmic Relief Home Page.

I want to email Cosmic Connie.