MILLENNIUM! MIRACLES! MODULES THAT MAKE YOU SEE GOD!

CSMIC RELIEF

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I saw Jesus on a taco, and Elvis in a cloud . . .

 

THESE are the days of miracles and wonders? Oh, we only wish. Either we've led a really wicked life, or the recently discovered "God module" in our temporal lobe is severely underdeveloped. Or maybe it's just that we never did hallucinogenics.

Whatever the cause, the unhappy truth is that angels don't whisper in our ear, deities don't dictate sacred texts to us, and dead spiritual masters refuse to use us as a mouthpiece.

To add insult to injury, the dolphins at Sea World treat us with disdain, the Weeping Jesus picture just rolls its eyes at us, The Face on Mars stuck its tongue out at us, and the statue of Ganesh laughed so hard at us that the milk squirted out of its nose...er...trunk.

Worst of all, aliens from UFOs have never taken us into their vessels to poke at our naughty bits (oh, but we keep hoping...)

Life, alas, is just so mundane for us. All of the tortillas, billboards, cinnamon buns, and porch lights we've ever encountered are just tortillas, billboards, buns, and porch lights. No face of the Lord, no nunly visage, no apparition of the Virgin, no secret signs of the End Times. (Okay, on one of our quests we did find a misshapen dog-turd that bore a striking resemblance to the face of evangelist Pat Robertson -- pious smirk and all -- but we just couldn't get the media interested.)

So all we can do is report what other people have seen and experienced - or, more accurately, give you some links to those who have seen and experienced these things, and those who report what other people have seen and experienced (hey, why re-invent the wheel?). Once we get this page completed, it will have many valuable links to sites that cite the Sightings, and those that map the madness that is the Millennium. For now, entertain yourself with these few little ol' links (some of which have links to other pertinent sites), and please bear with us while we're "under construction." And if you have any ideas for additions to this list, drop us an e-mail at CosmicRelief@juno.com

Miracles and wonders...

The Miracles Page

"Got milk?" Ganesh, the elephant-headed god, likes to guzzle the moo juice. Read all about it here.

 "Those who search for signs will find them." So goes the opener to this simple but attractive and well-organized site, posted by the Elk Transmission Meditation Group in Elk, California. A glance at the list of reported miracles makes it pretty obvious that lots of folks have been doing some serious sign-searching.

You'll find here a comprehensive log of stories--many of which have appeared in the news media--that the people who saw the stuff swear are true. There are even pictures to back it all up. Seeing is, after all, deceiving, er, believing.

Included are tales about Crosses Of Light (no, not Klan-related), Christ Encounters, the Holy Mother and more. Also covered, in the spirit of religious diversity, are Buddhist Miracles, the Hindu Milk Miracle, Signs of Allah, and The White Buffalo. There's also the usual stuff about Crop Circles, Healing Waters and Weeping Statues.

Heaven Located!

 "Major News Break: Russian Cosmonauts Discover Heaven!" That's what the headline says. We say it's just not fair. They were first in the space race, and now they're the first to discover where Heaven really is. Don't believe it? Well, it's all there in black and white (actually, in yellow, on a black background): RUSSIAN COSMONAUTS FLEW TO HEAVEN IN THEIR SPACESHIP AND MET GOD: WHILE AT THE GATES OF HEAVEN, GOD GAVE RUSSIAN COSMONAUTS A MESSAGE FOR THE PEOPLE OF EARTH. But there's more, much more. For example, did you know the Hubble Telescope photographed Jesus Christ on a bicycle, oops, we mean, in the Universe, over 7,000 years ago? It's all right here.

Your Chance to Tell Your Own Miracle Tale!

 Tired of being a mere spectator in the sport of miracle-experiencing? Here's your chance to be a participant. Says the site's webmaster: "I will gather all your information about unexplained phenomena, mysteries, alien abductions, strange disappearances, ghostly events, UFO sightings, all kinds of supernatural and paranormal events. Anything you feel free to report. Whether this is something you experienced yourself or maybe something you just heard about is not important...I offer you the opportunity to not only tell your own unique story but also to publish your story on the Web! This way many other people will be able to read about your story and in doing so they will overcome their fear to talk about their own experiences and perhaps they will also give their story away and publish it on the Web! All the information will be public domain. So if you feel you have nothing to hide then join in on the Miracle Project!"

Millennial madness...

B&A Products

 The end is coming; ya might as well be prepared. This company, based in Bunch, Oklahoma, bills itself as "the leader in Earth Changes Preparedness." Not only does one of the owners, Annie Kirkwood, regularly receive messages from the blessed Virgin (the latest of which are conveniently included on the web site), but this company sells everything from future maps of the United States to survival gear for the coming disasters. They've also got a links page that will take you to more end-of-the-world and new-age sites.

Pious Paddy saves the world

Okay, so we don't have permission to use their logo, but if it leads just one person to salvation...

 Gimme that old-time fundamentalist fundraising. Look out, Asia, Africa, India and the Middle East...Pat Robertson is comin' at ya with truckloads of that old-time salvation, and he's bound and determined to do it before the end of the millennium. (And never mind that it may not be the end of any millennium according to your systems or traditions; in CBN land, it's the JC way or the highway (to Hell)). Yes, the man who sold out... oops, we mean sold The Family Channel to media sleaze king Rupert Murdoch, is preparing to blitz the unwashed, unsaved Third World via The Christian Broadcasting Network's Mission Millennium. Aaaand...you lucky First Worlders can join in this "mission to win 500 million souls to God's kingdom by the year 2000!" With a mere $100 donation, you'll receive a video and, as an added bonus, the new paperback edition of Pat's futuristic novel, The End of the Age. What a deal.

I want to experience once again the miracle that is the Cosmic Relief "Links" page.

I long to experience a sighting of Our Lady of Cosmic Relief.

Please reveal a few shimmering samples from Cosmic Relief.

I have seen a vision, and it is the Cosmic Relief Contents Page. Spirit me back there, please.

Oh, forget it. Just regress me to the Cosmic Relief Home Page.

I want to email Cosmic Connie.

The pink bars on this page are courtesy of Silly Girl Creations. We love the name, and it's a terrific site for Web designers.

The background on this page could very well reveal the Face of the Lord if you look at it long enough.